Reclaiming your life: advice from a psychologist for survivors of CRSV and their families

The term CRSV comes from English: Conflict-Related Sexual Violence (CRSV). According to psychologists, the enemy uses sexual violence as a weapon, attempting to break the spirit and destroy dignity. This is a specific manifestation of genocide against the Ukrainian people. Therefore, the main response to the enemy from survivors is to regain control over their lives, reclaim their boundaries, and feel happy again.

According to statistics from the Office of the Prosecutor General, as of April 1, 349 cases of CRSV committed by Russian military personnel have been officially documented (124 of them are men, 225 are women, including 19 minors – 18 girls and 1 boy). However, these numbers could be much higher, as not all survivors wish to report to the authorities, and the situation in occupied territories remains unknown.

Returning to one's life after experiencing violence is a long journey. Psychologist Olha Boiko, who has extensive experience working with CRSV survivors, says: the main rule is complete respect for any decision the person makes.

Everyone who has suffered from CRSV should remember:

• The only one to blame for what happened to you is the enemy-perpetrator.
• The most valuable thing we have is life. In the circumstances you were in, the most important thing was to preserve it.
• It's better not to withdraw into yourself. Be prepared that as more time passes in a relatively safe environment, memories may resurface more intensely - so-called flashbacks, sleepless nights, fears, panic attacks. You shouldn't try to cope with this alone.
• Any work with a psychologist or psychotherapist is confidential; information is not shared anywhere.
• You can't change the memories, but you can change their impact.

The psyche is structured in such a way that at some point it will switch and transform the experience, converting what you went through into autobiographical memory. These memories will no longer be as painful, intrusive, or destructive. They will simply become experience.

Some people go through this process naturally - they also need time and certain support. Others need professional support to be able to live on. To live a full life.

After working with a psychologist or psychotherapist, it's possible to start feeling, appreciating, and experiencing joy again, even after the most terrible experiences.

Advice for families of CRSV survivors:

• Respect any decision the person makes – to be alone, not to talk about what happened.
• It's absolutely unacceptable to question them about their experiences, judge them, or be overly intrusive with care, as this creates a sense of violated physical boundaries.

"Sexual violence with penetration, or undressing, or torture, any humiliation, even verbal - all these are violations of a person's boundaries and dignity. Therefore, when speaking to or approaching your loved one, do so with respect and acceptance. Even when you want to hug them, it's better to ask permission first. Intrusiveness is very important here," says Olha Boiko.

According to the psychologist, the person may be withdrawn for some time. Only with time or after receiving help might the survivor feel the need to talk about their experience. At that point, family members can help in the following ways:

If needed, find a professional psychological help provider;

Support the person in any decision they make - whether to speak publicly about it or not, whether to file for compensation or not;

Support, support, support - this is the red line throughout the entire recovery process;

When the person starts talking about their experience, it's very important not to show pity or horror through any facial expression or word. Any such emotion of horror or pity will make them reluctant to continue speaking.

"Survivors often change dramatically. Family members may not be prepared for the fact that the person before them is completely different from the one they knew before. Because their sense of dignity has been severely damaged. They were trying to break them, as CRSV is a tool, a weapon the enemy uses precisely to break people, to make them stop feeling human. Therefore, it's important for family members to convey – 'I accept everything you're telling me and I support you.' Survivors may experience acute feelings of guilt and self-disgust. These may be unconscious things, but they're very common. Towards their own body, towards what was done to them," explains the psychologist.

Survivors go through the following stages of returning to themselves:

Regaining a sense of their own existence;

Reestablishing personal boundaries;

Gradually adding work with the body.

According to the psychologist, media often unknowingly expose people who have experienced CRSV. For example, during prisoner exchanges or the release of civilian hostages. Those released are in a state of shock and don't fully understand what's happening around them. Therefore, they may not realize they're being filmed or photographed. Society should understand that approaching such people on the street and asking what they've been through is inappropriate – these people didn't give permission for this.

Tolerance, acceptance, and respect for personal boundaries are the best expressions of emotion in such situations.

Where survivors can seek help:

For testimony and legal consultations:

- 102 or hotline 0 800 500 202 (daily from 08:00 to 20:00) - National Police of Ukraine.

- +38 096 755 02 401 or WARCRIMES.GOV.UA - Office of the Prosecutor General.

- 15-47 or +38(044) 284 19 43 (for calls from abroad) - Government hotline on human trafficking and domestic violence.

- +38 068 145 55 90 or 0 800 30 55 90 (from 09:00 to 18:00 Monday to Friday) - legal aid line "JurFem: Support".

- 0 800 213 103 (from 8:00 to 18:00) or +38 044 363 10 41 (for calls from abroad) - free legal aid.

For psychological support:

- +38 (050) 909-88-81 or GIDNA.ORG - free psychological support for women affected by war, including CRSV.

- 23-45 - psychological support hotline for men.

- 116-123 or 0 800 500 335 - psychological support hotline of the "La Strada-Ukraine" Center.

- AVRORA-HELP.ORG.UA - psychotherapeutic support platform "Aurora".

For general consultations:

- 116-123 (from mobile) or 0 800 500 335 (from mobile and landline) - national hotline on domestic violence, human trafficking and gender discrimination;

- +38 044 253 75 89 or 0 800 501 720 - hotline of the Commissioner for Human Rights.

- BIT.LY/4IKLKXC - contacts and addresses of Rescue Assistance Centers.

Additional resources:

- NSSU.GOV.UA - National Social Service - provides assistance services to war victims, including CRSV survivors.

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